But... why?

So I love people.com. Truly adore this website. I like to vote on fashion and read about The Bachelor instead of having to watch it and I love their pictures of the food from celebrity birthday parties. Here's what I don't love:

Wine. Fucking. Milkshakes.

I mean, I would literally step in front of a moving train for everything on the list of ingredients but like, must we? Wine milkshakes seem like a selfie of any kind: totally unnecessary.

Oh, past Ali, must we?

Why wine milkshakes? Why bacon in absolutely everything? Why can't we enjoy things one at a time instead of being gluttonous monsters like spoiled children on a tour of a candy factory? Probably because of power. I think multitasking makes us feel like we're too cool to be committed to doing one thing, too important not to stack our tasks, too busy to live. And this, in turn, makes us feel powerful. Multi-eating is luxurious and crazy and creative and so chill. Even when the foods we make from many foods don't actually taste good. 

I'm totally guilty of obnoxious multi-tasking (like, say, eating lunch while writing this post with my elbow resting on my actual work). But when it comes to wine, I think food and conversation are the only things that need to be mixed with it. 

Unless, of course, you're making my sangria.