Thursday, January 23, 2014

Wine + activities

Wine and activities. An interesting combination. I've done some fine work will sipping on a little something: writing, kissing, internet dating. But sometimes, you gotta cut yourself off.

Paul wisely brought me nothing but a hug home that evening.

Other times, you forego a stunning, forest green leather skort because of tummy emphasis you never would have noticed if you'd had a drink or two:

Alas, the zippers.

The key is to recognize the level at which you are most productive and creative with your decision-making in regards to wine and then maintain that drunkenness as much as possible.

I hit the sweet spot tonight.

Pouring a little of my delicious wine from the night prior (that heavenly Zin) in full gym gear while slamming against a thick writers block until it yielded, I nailed it. One sip and I was in. I got more done in an hour and a half than I had all day. Not more in terms of volume. More in terms of good.

Now, I knew this level of sharpness and creativity was a special place, and not one that I could easily maintain. So, right around the time I passed the sweet spot, I opened up Paint and made this graph. It charts not how good or bad a decision is, but how interesting. That's why great writing can happen a little tipsy, but not wasted.

*The exception here is, of course, dancing, which can be done gracefully, creatively and stunningly between 0 and 6 glasses of wine, and erotically for many drinks after that depending on tolerance. Great dance decisions have been made at all wine-drunk levels.

The biggest boost happens at the first sip, with diminishing returns after that. it's the idea of wine, the relaxation it provides, that does more than the actual alcohol. By glass five, you're making dumb decisions you think are fascinating. You're wrong.

Something happens at glass six, though. A bottle of wine holds five glasses. So at 6, you're determining this is a fucking NIGHT. It's where you go from drunk to crunk. It's where you go from let's go to 7-11 to let's rob a 7-11. It's where most web series are born. Are these ideas good? No. But they are interesting. Most people's cool drunk stories take place at 6. Most stories people tell about being drunk are beyond that. But the really good ones, the ones people pass along? 6s. Just like the guys my girlfriends set me up with. Not hot enough to do again, but interesting enough to keep around.

Now, as they say on Radio Lab every fucking second, here's where it gets really interesting. The most interesting decisions are made at 6 glasses of wine, yes, but this is unsustainable. You can make one great decision but then your next decision will invariably be to drink more, and your next decisions after that will be boring or incapable of being made. The second glass may be the most freeing, the third the most arousing, and the 5th the funniest to read texts from in the morning, but it's glass 1 where you're at your most productive. Salud!

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