Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Zeus is the original anti-hero

You know what TV show I would watch? The one I just invented with my mind. Ok, so it's called "Dio" and it's the EXACT SAME plot as Fox's Kevin Bacon starrer "The Following" only instead of FBI agent Ryan Hardy being forced out of retirement to track down former local college professor and current serial killer Joe Carroll, it's me playing an RA who's forced out of retirement to curb parties thrown by current local college student and always non-murderer... Dionysus. Death count is approximately the same but maybe higher. Kevin Bacon/Ali Schouten still has a comically bland and exaggerated drinking problem that is referenced constantly and yields zero consequences. 5 million dollars or best offer. I do not accept Traveler's Cheques, as they are v dumb.

I love Greek mythology. Right before my listening-to Jewel-while-in-the-bath phase, I had a long listening-to-the-audio-book-of-D'aulaires-Book-of-Greek-Myths phase. It feels like it was always very clear who and what I would become in adulthood. Another tip off:

Greek myths have much to teach us. Mostly lessons about how you shouldn't have sex with animals, but also other lessons. What I love in particular about Greek myths is how flawed everyone is, humans and Gods alike. Zeus is kind of the original anti-hero. Everyone in Greek myths just does what they feel like and if that gets in the way of someone else's happiness, they get punished. Seems like a pretty good way to handle one's shit.

Dionysus is the God of wine. But he's also ME. He was the product of a rape (just like Detective (now Sargent) Olivia Benson, who is my favorite person to have ever existed) and had a tough road to being named the last God on Mount Olympus (just like I'll have a tough road being the first non-singing winner of NBC's hit reality show "The Voice"). He's really great at partying and also rage. Me too! He's also the dude who reluctantly granted Midas' wish that whatever he touched would be turned to gold (after Midas took care of Dionysus' drunk friend for 10 days, a thing I do sometimes or need done and gold is my favorite color). He hates Agave (his aunt, but whatever, I hate agave the thing!). He made the first wine in the world out of people, and I make out with people when I drink wine. He has the Bachae? I have many dope female friends! This is like, spooky, right?

Mainly, though, we're flawed but also excellent individuals who have mortal moms and love wine. A lot of people are like that. A lot of people are like a lot of people, because we're all more the same than we are different. This discovery led to the invention of empathy, which I like better than computers even. Maybe next time I meet someone I dislike, I should try to think of all our similarities, like I did with Dionysus. Maybe... if they're a totally dope God of wine! No but seriously guys, jk, jk, I do love most people so much probably too much because of my empathetic and functioning heart. Namaste.

Same as it ever was

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