Friday, April 12, 2013

In-home dance party

So my favorite hobby is writing new words to pre-existing songs. Even songs as incredible as this:

It made me think... what about us darling New England girls? Ok, so our region lacks the sexiness and specificity of the South. Whatever. Don't we deserve a song? Don't we deserve a song with the EXACT SAME TUNE? OH YES WE DO, THANKS FOR MAKING ONE, ALI.

She's New England

Music by whoever wrote "She's Country"
Lyrics by Ali Schouten

She's an average-sized human in her practical boots
Daddy's Irish Catholic, Momma's a Jew
She's a hard-drinking WASP
From just north of Boston
She's a glue-sniffing townie
From Merrimack County

Hates the toll bridge
Loves foliage
Vermont maple syrup is the only shit
With a
Huge divide in wealth
Not sure if there's a hell
The Departed was dope.

New England!
From her field hockey sweats to her fear of death
New England, yeah-eah
From the songs she plays to the shrink she pays
That's the way she was born and raised
Unless she moved here for school and stayed!
New England!
Sox, Pats, Bruins

Makes sure she's inside when the sun goes down
Cause it's cold as fuck and the human body has limitations
She can cause some pain from Rhode Island to Maine
Like a half day's drive in her aunt's minivan

Massapequa Shaniqua
Ready for the cold
Cause it's inside her soul
Bony bitchy broad
Thinks about New York
The Fighter should have won the Oscar.

New England!
From her big snow tires to she's dead inside
New England, yeah-eah
Plays squash the best, she'll tweet her own death
That's the way she was born and raised
Better believe she can ice skate!
New England!
Ali is probably the third most common name among women

(then there's a long talking interlude, which totally fits my New England experience, so whatever, "The South." There's also lots of guitar, but it's not acoustic or terrible so I can't relate)

She's New England
From her cowboy boots
That she got at J. Crew

She's New England!
She knows how to punch
And she fuckin loves brunch
New England, yeah-eah
The New Kids On the Block
Are from her block.
That's the way she was born and raised
Got her period when she was eight!
New England!
It's probably the maple syrup.
That awesome maple syrup.

From Connecticut
To places that don't suck
She's a girl from a place
She's New England

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