Cool how this $3 wine is dope

Blackberry, black cherry, raspberry, plus a little tobacco, earth. 3 FUCKING DOLLARS BRO.

California confusion

Lots happening this week in the world of wine. Like a houseguest!

James Isbell came to town and with him he brought tales from Google, lots of good vibes and a beautiful bottle of Cabernet:

This Cab was ripe and burst-y like Ellen Burstyn with plenty of classic Cabernet blackberry and black cherry flavors, plus pepper and leather. Its earthiness, which as you know I've been on a quest for, reminded me of a slightly disappointing wine I'd brought to a Golden Globes party the Sunday prior:

Black Mountain Pinot Noir was plenty tasty. It just wasn't what I was looking for in a Pinot Noir. Pinots are supposed to be light bodied with notes of red cherry and red meat and cola and earth. But this guy rocked raspberry and vanilla above all else. Wtf? Then I remembered another California Pinot Noir I tasted and realized I was starting to see a pattern (this is a real link. I get that I burned you with that Google one but this one is real). These were great wines, but not in the ways I was looking for in a Pinot Noir.

Another accidental gif! How am I doing this?! I think taking many pictures of the same person in the same place in a row? I'm literally magic. Also check out Kate's Olivia Pope wine glasses! I am told by people who watch television program "Scandal" that this is impressive! This is a long caption!

Ok, back to business. I didn't even realize I was buying the same brand when I picked up this Zinfandel:

I simply took Paul's suggestion that he often finds earth (and spice and smoke, his favorite aromatics in a wine) in California Zins. And now I see it. Now I see why Zinfandel is California's grape. And just like I can eat pizza here and tacos in New York but they aren't gonna be as good, I get why a great five dollar wine can only be found in the local wheelhouse.

Because this wine doesn't just suit my savory-minded style. No, this guy is layered as hell, combining Old World and New World aromatics for a full, fruity, leathery, peppery wine. Raspberry, blackberry, green and black pepper, leather, tobacco on the nose. A rich jamminess, a little caramel and smoke on the palate but not too sweet. Our other roommate David made a heavenly tomato jam this weekend and it reminds me of that, with its balance of sweetness, acid and layers on layers of spice. All this Old World prestige and New World bounty for I think it was 5 or 6 bucks? It's safe to say Black Mountain 2012 Zinfandel is one I'll be buying again.

Wine crush part III: try a little tenderness

I've been known to occasionally compare wine to love, and one of my favorite topics is wine crushes, both requited and unrequited. Last week, I learned I'm predictable when it comes to my palate, favoring earthy wines above others. One of the recommended grapes on my chart was Sangiovese, so I took to my local Trader Joe's in search of a bottle. I'd tried Grifone's Primitivo to decent results, so I figured I'd give their equally cheap (4 bucks!), also charmingly labeled (sleek!) Sangiovese a try to celebrate finishing my puzzle (1000 pieces in 8 days!).

My first sip was a huge disappointment. Apparently that powerful aroma of mulch and leather and other things that should never be liquid is only found in expensive wines? But I hated to give in to that idea. So I tried a little tenderness. I sniffed with the wine still. I swirled. I dug deep into that wine, probing and nuzzling and pondering until I detected some earthy notes. Sure, it was mostly fruit. But there was more, too. Even if it wasn't really there, I found something special in that four-dollar fountain of truth.

"You could build a city in the forgotten spaces between things." This line from Jennifer Egan's "Look At Me" is one of my favorites. It's written on half an index card and hung over my desk, right beneath a framed photo of a koala and next to a bottle of scotch (my spirit animals). It helps me remember to notice the little things, and the non-things, and the feeling things we've been too successful in forgetting. It reminds me that the things we fail to notice and the things we fail to imagine are the same, which means that like the things we do notice, that which we imagine is real.

Is this wine good? Or is its sleek label on the green bottle, its being made out of a grape I was sure I'd love, its price tag so temptingly low that I found a way to like it? And if I savor it, if I build aromatics in the forgotten space between sips, does it really matter?

Gorgeous!

I gave blood today so I'm not supposed to have any alcohol. But then six years ago someone told me you get drunk super fast after you give blood and I have to go to Rite Aid later so I just opened this stunning bottle of rose!

Also check out the amazing pillow the charming Zoe Chao got me for my birthday. It makes cravings happen and my head feel nice, just like wine does! Girl gets me.

This wine smells nice, a little floral and a little mineral-y and I feel like people often talk about tasting cranberry in roses? Honestly, I love a nice, tart rose but I have trouble getting the aromatics promised. But I'm really into how pretty they are. And this one is gorgeous! It has lovely salmon-pink color and it comes in this curvy bottle with a lavender and gold top label or whatever it's called. It's like Barbie's wine, but hip. And apparently it tastes good, cause I'm enjoying it and my cool black friend in the Trader Joe's wine department highly recommended it.

This is an aspirational wine. It's the kind of wine you buy and you're like, no way am I going the whole summer without being invited to a garden party with this baby waiting in the fridge! I will learn French in the car! I will roller skate when doing errands and become "that girl who roller skates everywhere" and notoriety will become me! I don't feel faint because of my blood donation.

I do. I feel faint. I don't know what a garden party is.

Victory....?

The real win here is my mom saved my soccer trophies because she loves me.

Fresh start

I'm moving!

Some dear, dear friends with a stunning, stunning home asked me to move in. Though I'll miss living alone, I'm thinking having two super smart, creative, productive guys around might shame me into not watching 17 illegally streamed episodes of "Friends" in a row on a Wednesday afternoon. It also means I'll get to taste more wines because I'll always have friends to help me finish the bottle! Might blog less when I have people to actually talk to though. Oh, the possibilities!

It'll be 5 years in LA this August and I'm excited for the change. I'm also excited because omg look at this place

Living Room part A (peep the fireplace, y'all! you can change who you are, y'all! I'm counting on it, you guys (I can't pull off y'all))

Living Room part B (yeah, that's a record player. I'm cool by association. Having Mom send her old records. Stressed that Chipmunks Christmas was top priority. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, LOS ANGELES)

Mega gorgeous dining room with melty candles and mural

Oh yeah. They made a Banksy.

The deck at the top of the backyard

The view from said deck

The view of the yard. Hi, Paul!

Didn't have a photo of my other roommate David SO I MADE ONE. See? Their creativity is already rubbing off!

In honor of my new home (don't worry -- the gold cat statues have been cleared to move in with me), I decided to try a new kind of wine: Gruner Veltliner. This dry, Hungarian beauty is as light and tart and sweet and sour as moving (give me some leeway on the term bittersweet here, it's not bitter but you get it).

My selection was the Floriana 2011 Gruner Veltliner from Trader Joe's. Cheap and sassy, this white peach-lemon-candied violet (I don't know, something like that, it's delicious) coquette of a wine tells you right upfront it's not going to sugar coat it. Seriously, I love when the label tells you the dryness. Why don't all wines do this? How else am I supposed to know what to pair with my Rite Aid 'Thrifty' frozen Greek-style yogurt? Man the switch to CVS is gonna be rough.

This label tells you what to pair it with, what temperature to serve it at... it's a roadmap to drinking! I wish life were like this. I wish I could know moving was the right decision. A part of me worries that the homeless guy who camps out next to my current parking space when it rains might actually be my soulmate and I'm missing out. But if that's he case, why hasn't he made a move?

But generally, it's nice to guess with wine. And life. Even if you guess wrong, you and most of your guests will still praise the pairing. You'll make it work. Because after all, nothing doesn't go with good conversation.

So yes. I toasted no longer living alone alone, with a super dry, tart, bitchy, complex Hungarian that embodies everything I long to be but am not. But who knows? Maybe I'll stop being so friendly when I bite the bullet, buy a bike, and move into the nicest place in Silverlake with the greatest guys around.

Wine withdrawal

NO!

I'm doing a 10-day cleanse, so no new wines this week. The lack of wine means "Mistresses" is about 80% less compelling than I once thought, but otherwise I haven't noticed much of a difference. Also "Mistresses" is still amazing. Everyone watch "Mistresses." There are ghosts.

Wine withdrawal isn't as bad as I thought it would be. That could be because I'm only two and a half days in, or because there are so many worse parts of this cleanse (no sugar including most fruits, no refined flour, no caffeine) all of which I'd rather use a cheat on (and have).

What I miss most about wine is the sensory engagement. The taking a break from my day to truly relish something, as opposed to guiltily procrastinating. The being drunk.

But all these things actually make it easier for me to go without wine (or any other booze, and I've just started getting good at cocktails) than carbs, sugar and caffeine. I don't appreciate those things. I don't take advantage. Instead, I take them for granted, which makes missing them all the harder. I wasn't prepared! I wish I'd created a blog all about plums before I was without them and it was too late. Don't it always seem to go... And I only have to give this stuff up for ten days. Being old means having to give up delicious things for like, ever.

So here's my challenge to you for today: enjoy something you take for granted. If you dig your mid-afternoon oatmeal, write it a poem. If you enjoy your nightly dose of reality TV, laugh and cry and feel just a little bit harder. If you are a boy in a relationship, tell your girlfriend she is beautiful in a cool and specific way. Seriously, I don't get why guys don't do that more? Every girl likes to hear it. No matter who she is or how long you've been together, give her compliments. This is crucial. Also, guys, flowers. Come on. So easy. Trader Joe's has them for like 4 bucks. Your girlfriend will appreciate it so hard. I'd make such a good dude.

Ooh, I am so going to buy flowers for my next bottle of wine. It's so pretty.

The best sangria that can be

White sangria is the dreamiest of summer drinks. Try this one at a movie picnic like we did and let all your dreams come true!

Step 1 of this sangria is to get a portable jug from Target and then never trust that it is closed. Seriously, this thing will pee from all sides all over your life. But it's really useful if you stay hyper vigilant.

White sangria kills it when you use bright, tart, fruits like green apple and especially peaches, nectarines and apricots, which will impart their juices on the wine. You'll be drunkenly reaching into the top to snack on the fruit even before the wine is finished! Even before it's started!

Ok, so you take your jug and pour in your booze. First off, Triple Sec is crucial for white sangria. 1/3 cup for every bottle of wine is good. So 2/3 of a cup to go with my two bottles of bright, grapefruit-y Sauvignon Blanc...

But no Triple Sec is needed to balance the 3 glasses (1 cube) worth of this sweetie sweet, fab floral little Moscato from Target...

Then chop up your fruit in pretty little slices, drop it on in, and let it soak overnight!

To recap:

Plenty of tart fruits (green apple, nectarine, apricot was used here. Also try cherries, raspberries, peaches and even a little candied ginger)

1/3 cup of Triple Sec for every 750ml bottle of dry white wine (Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Grigio are best here, but a dry Riesling or fruity Gewurztraminer would be a darling experiment)

Sweet wine (such as this Moscato from Target) to taste (optional)

Soak overnight

Final step: have a beautiful friend hold up the jug for the world to see!

I bought Kelis' pants

Sometimes wine makes you want to stay in and curl up with Netflix and try to forget about the human condition.

Other times it makes you buy Kelis' pants.

Ok, so I'm not trying to brag, but I literally did buy Kelis' pants. If you don't believe me, ask Kelis. The same way she asked me to get her another glass of wine when I bargained with her for the pants by saying I was too poor to be here, I was only there because my friend is a waitress at Bar Marmont and oh yeah, KELIS WAS HAVING A FULL-ON YARD SALE AT BAR MARMONT. And I bought her pants. These are they:

I can't decide if I might like them to be shorts instead. Thoughts are welcome.

Anyway, I was thrilled with the La Granja 360 2011 Tempranillo (the one with the pig on the label in the Spanish section at Trader Joe's). I mean THRILLED. Normally, that in and of itself would have constituted a proper night. Never mind that with its fruit and earth, juicy red rapsberry, cherry and strawberry grounded in tremendous forest floor and peet moss and greenery, this stuff was made to pair with comfort food and takeout (moo-shu pork is its soulmate; a complex mac and cheese its dirty little secret on the side. Either way, a match made in heaven).

So yes, I would have been good with just this, a cheap, wonderful wine.

But you know what else is super fucking good? BUYING KELIS' PANTS. God I wish I didn't have so much self respect and would demand celebs take pictures of me with them and their pants. I really should have documented the transaction. I hate my self (respect).

The point is, leaving the house is sometimes also good. It's important to appreciate life's simple pleasures, to embrace solitude instead of whining about loneliness. But it's also important to interact with the world. I know this is obvious to most people, but for me, it's so much easier to stay home in sweats with my great, cheap wine than it is to put on a bra and be a real person.

Being a real person is hard. You have to listen to the opinions of others and be judged unfavorably by dudes at bars and calculate tips with your phone-brain and it's just a lot of effort. Conversations about other people's lives make you think about your own. Being face to face with men (it still counts if you stare awkwardly at the guy's shoes or a spot on the wall to the left of his head because of confidence issues) reminds you that you are not getting any younger or hotter or sex. Much better to stay in, put on "Dancing on My Own" and text your bestie until you fall asleep or her boyfriend is all, "stop texting, Julia. Ali is never going to not have an over-dramatically urgent joke to tell you about her new theories on her recent weight gain (parasites). She is destroying our relationship. JK our relationship is amazing and a beacon of hope for all single people everywhere."*

Most of the time I go out, I wish I hadn't. I get my hopes up that tonight will be the night where everybody dances and the only drunk snack I have at the end of the night is a diet coconut water and also that that exists now and I'll meet a great guy and bond with a million friends with whom I've lost touch and my shoes will feel great all night. And those hopes are dashed so hard. So, so hard.

But last night, I bought Kelis' pants. And while moo-shu might be the soulmate of this wine, these pants are the soulmate of my legs.

So it's probably all worth it. It's probably worth it to keep hoping about everything, just in case.

Try La Granja Tempranillo. And occasionally, try leaving the house. It's not always the worst.

Oh, and in case you doubted it:

*Paraphrased from what I imagine to be conversations had by my favorite couple in the world.**
**Disney couples excluded because they are almost all imaginary.

Primitive needs

The Grifone 2011 Primitivo met my needs.

Cheap (4 dollars!), tasty (Primitivo is the same grape as Zinfandel, only Italian) and it has enough acid to pair well with my go-to meal: pasta (cheap and tasty!).

But that wasn't all this wine did for me. Oh, no. It had a pretty cork and an elegant orange label. It had a rich color and a versatile set of aromatics (spice, earth, a pinch of vanilla from the oak, some red and black cherry--what can't you pair this with? Donuts. Never pair wine with donuts). It wasn't too heavy for a balmy summer evening. It wasn't too light for the thick feelings I was having. IT WAS FOUR FUCKING DOLLARS.

And it got me thinking about other primitive needs. No, not sex. I'm a lady. We don't know what that is. I started thinking about food and drink and the way they nourish us beyond the physical.

Because I realized this wine would pair perfectly with my favorite thing in the world:

Bertucci's Brick Oven Pizza.

I understand that this is a chain restaurant. I get that there are probably more technically perfect pizzas out there. But I can't think of it without my mouth watering and I can't eat it without complete satisfaction. You know when you crave something and then you have it and it can't live up to the craving? That has never happened to me with Bertucci's brick oven pizza. It's only on the east coast, but I've seriously considered opening an LA franchise.

Here's a photo of me when my dad surprised me with a visit, after telling me Annapolis didn't have Bertucci's:

I was that happy with every single bite of my pizza.

The need here isn't the pizza, although I want some desperately now that I'm remembering how perfect in every single way it is. The need is the certainty, the nostalgia, the consistent loveliness, the way it never lets me down. The need of comfort food is primitive. It is the solace we find in tradition and memory and the familiar taste and texture of what we can count on to love. 

Like cheap red wine that tastes fantastic.

Like a DIY manicure that looks f-ing amazing and is on my fingers currently. Ok, so that's a stretch. I just want to show off:

FYI the bits on my fingers are gone now, they washed off, it's all clean lines now so it is even better.

Wine + IT'S F-ING HOT IN MY APARTMENT

You know how it's so annoying when people who live in great climates complain about the weather? Me too but I don't care cause it's fucking HOT these days and I do not like it! Also the thing is I'm allowed to complain because I am going to tell you about a really stunning wine to cool off with, generally and specifically.

That is, unsurprisingly, Sancerre. Now, Sauvignon Blanc is, as I'm sure you all remember because you do nothing but read this blog, generally a tart and tasty wine with an acerbic personality. If you don't remember, just click here for a refresher on this refresher. I'm pretty sure everyone but Brittany Flores should have just clicked there. Brittany, your loyalty is a treasure; your encouragement my sun.

Vis-a-vis treasure, ditto Sancerre. Sancerre is Sauvignon Blanc specific to the Sancerre region of France. While New Zealand Sauvignon Blancs (such as the delicious Kono, available at TJ's for like 8 bucks) are quite aromatic, Sancerres tend to be a little more reserved but with a cool, subtle flavor that will cool you down quick. I mean, it's French cheerleader wine. What is colder and bitchier than that? I paired the Sancerre I had on hand with my air conditioner:

The 2011 Laurent Reverdy is a little pricier than most of the wines I get, but the wine lady at Trader Joe's swore it was worth it. With the AC on and my best friend on her way over for dinner, it felt like the right time to find out.

This wine has everything you want from a Sauvignon Blanc, especially on a hot day, plus more. It's subtle and tart. It's bright and light and goes with all my sundresses. It's got green apple, pink grapefruit, wet stone and under-ripe pear on the nose, with a slightly savory note and gentle creaminess on the palate, almost like a hint of goat cheese. What's great also is that this is a really nicely balanced wine, so even as it warms up the alcohol doesn't assault the senses. Light petillance (Brittany knows what I'm talking about) intensifies the aroma. Pairs well, I hope, with scallops, asparagus and lemon pepper quinoa. The acid should help it stand up well to the strawberries we've got for dessert, and although the meringues I baked yesterday (off this recipe from my former food blog) are undoubtedly too sweet to pair with it, the Frenchness feels oh-so-proper. Cheers to Saturday night!

Can you tell I really wanted to get in a shot of my fingernails WHICH I DID MYSELF ok sorry goodnight.

FIN.

Wine + astrology

If there's one field more doubted than wine tasting, it's astrology. I spout off about aromas of wet stone and petrol and quince and even I don't really buy into it. To be fair, part of the reason I don't believe in astrology is because I decided to get into it at one point, got an online reading of my astrology and numerology, and was told my life is going to continue to be a disappointment until its early end. You know how psychics only ever give you good news? Internet astrologers don't have the same tact.

But on its most simple and fun level, astrology is all about character. And so is wine. Wines age. Wines have layers. As far as beverages go, they're pretty human. And so, knowing pretty much nothing about astrology but at least as much as the astrologist at Seventeen magazine, I thought I'd give recommend wines by star sign. Because that's the other thing drinking wine has in common with reading your horoscope: why not?

Aries

Characteristics: competitive, impulsive, independent, dynamic, quick-tempered, domineering, trusting, honest
Symbol: Ram
Element: Fire
Wine: A strong and spicy wine that steals the show with its bold, straightforward flavors. Try this 2009 Amitage Red Blend with steak and potatoes and saying it to their face. Maybe a little punching, too.

Taurus

Characteristics: patient, dependable, practical, determined, artistic, loyal, stubborn, self-indulgent
Symbol: Bull
Element: Earth
Wine: There's more to you than meets the eye, like the fact that you love the finer things in life even though you're down-to-earth. Pair yourself with something equally indulgent, complex, and stubbornly delicious like the Herederos Del Marques De Riscal 2006 Rioja Reserva. And the popcorn I paired it with isn't a bad idea for you either--air signs can lighten up earth signs, just like popcorn can help the flavors in this wine sing.

Gemini

Characteristics: curious, versatile, expressive, persuasive, changeable, clever, restless, talkative
Symbol: Twins
Element: Earth
Wine: I'm a Gemini. It's the easiest star sign to bullshit, because people just say, "oh, well there's two of you." So basically any personality trait goes. I say this is a wine wildcard. But since I'm bubbly, talkative, and will leave you with plenty of regrets in the morning, I'd say pick up some cheap champagne and pair it with this Miranda Lambert jam that just fucking gets it. I also like candies.

Cancer

Characteristics: tenacious, emotional, intuitive, sensitive, sympathetic, traditional, moody, manipulative
Symbol: Crab
Element: Water
Wine: Traditionally, white wine pairs well with shellfish, and this wine in particular brought on the waterworks when I drank (the whole bottle of) it. Get emotional with this hot little number, the 2010 Cut the Fluff.

Leo

Characteristics: dramatic, dignified, idealistic, ambitious, proud, generous, romantic, overbearing
Symbol: Lion
Element: Fire
Wine: To pair with that proud and dramatic personality, check out this properly bold 2011 Darkhorse Cabernet Sauvignon. Like the ideal Cabernet, it'll go well with your best home-cooked meal and some Passionate Feelings.

Virgo

Characteristics: Gentle, industrious, dependable, methodical, soft-spoken, humane, sincere, easily worried
Symbol: Virgin
Element: Earth
Wine: I was a virgin not so long ago. But I popped by Gewurztraminer cherry with this delicious one from Cupcake. Sweet and straightforward and downright delicious, this one could get even you talking. Pair it with Indian like I did, or a tart and earthy pear and goat cheese sandwich on hearty whole grain with a drop of honey and some afternoon friendship.

Libra

Characteristics: Cooperative, careful, artistic, persuasive, diplomatic, logical, indecisive, fickle
Symbol: Scales
Element: Air
Wine: If there's one person open-minded enough to judge Chardonnay, it's you. I've never reviewed one, but this Le Ferme Julien 2011 white blend with a hint of oak is a good place to start. And the fact that I paired it with The Voice, an exercise in excellent judgement (sometimes. Except when they eliminate people I like. They they are MONSTERS), is even more perfect!

Scorpio

Characteristics: Passionate, penetrating, private, resourceful, loyal, determined, temperamental, intolerant
Symbol: Scorpion
Element: Water
Wine: Hey, weirdo. I mean that in a good way. I find Scorpios to be weird of it and proud and super into astrology. They're kind of like Gemini, in that any personality trait goes. But here, instead of duplicity, the connotation is depth. This layered, passionate 2011 Boom Boom Syrah is delightfully confusing as well. Pair it with a stew as complex as your personality.

Sagittarius

Characteristics: Generous, honest, daring, friendly, confident, enthusiastic, argumentative, blunt
Symbol: Archer
Element: Fire
Wine: Well aren't you just sass and a half! Definitely cheerleader wine (2011 Callaway Sauvignon Blanc) for you. Take this wine to the beach, you little bitch, share it with your hot friends (because of course you have hot friends) and then crush it at drunk windsurfing.

Capricorn

Characteristics: Cautious, focused, responsible, serious, conventional, reliable, hardworking, unforgiving
Symbol: Goat
Element: Earth
Wine: Goats will eat anything. And someone this hardworking deserves to drink anything. Might I suggest this charming Merlot? It's nothing if not reliable...

Aquarius

Characteristics: Independent, tolerant, unpredictable, strong-willed, curious, perceptive, progressive, temperamental
Symbol: Water bearer
Element: Air
Wine: I bet you throw one hell of a party. I mean, that's what a modern-day water-bearer would do, right? So keep it as light and refreshing as your conversation with Reggiano Lambrusco Le Grotte, a super crowd-pleaser, and these blood mimosas you can make from it, which are unexpected and unparalleled.

Pisces

Characteristics: sensitive, compassionate, imaginative, adaptable, intuitive, idealistic, secretive, vulnerable
Symbol: Fish
Element: Water
Wine: The rich and bold Cocobon might seem a little fish-out-of-water (see what I did there?) for the quiet Pisces, but a bigger sweetheart of a wine there is not. Luscious and sensitive and full of secrets (the secrets are all that crazy mocha flavor), serve it with a box of chocolates and an evening of introspection.

But really, just taste all these wines. I mean, why not? They'll get you drunker than your horoscope.

Star sign info courtesy of infoplease.

I'm so tired

get this wine. it was good. jammy. tasted good. cool bottle. pair with dia de los meurtos decor. goodnight. the wine is pretty cheap and you could get it at trader joe's. a thing i would like for my birthday is trader joe's gift cards or gift cards for my rent. NOT travelers cheques.

Benefactor Cellars 2011 Shiraz

This is just to say

"I have eaten 

the plums 

that were in 

the icebox 

and which 

you were probably 

saving 

for breakfast 

Forgive me 

they were delicious 

so sweet 

and so cold"

Suck it, William Carlos Williams. I live alone, so I eat all the plums I want.

I also drink more wine than my budget ought to allow, but when it's a cheap little thrill like this cutie-pie of a Pinot Grigio, c'est la vie. Or like, the Italian version of c'est la vie.

Another TJ's recommendation (can you tell I finally went grocery shopping this weekend?), the 2012 Villa Borghetti Grigio Luna is, like most Pinot Grigios, light and sprightly. It's got the wet stone aroma of a Sauvignon Blanc without the ultra-tart grapefruit flavor that often comes along with it. The fruit on this is more apricot or nectarine, and the wine has a creamy quality with relatively low acid. It's not sweet, it's just pure refreshment. Oh-so-drinkable for this spring weather we've been having, pair this baby with a porch. This would also make a great base for a white sangria or a white wine spritzer with a few raspberries thrown in.

Also, this is just to say, I am still working on the puzzle. It is so sweet and so hard and so 4000 pieces.

I sit inside of it.

Sorry if you can't handle my realness

BOOM. HAPPY SATURDAY NIGHT.

Hey, people in relationships. I win.

I also got this sexy little thing at Trader Joe's tonight:

Lest you think I'm antisocial, I had a good 45 minute conversation with the wine expert on duty. We talked so long, I might be able to claim her as a black friend. If I needed to do that. If I didn't already have like, a million black friends. I have black friends. It's just none of my friends of any race wanted to come over for steak. But they're real friends, guys. They exist for sure.

Anyway, I asked my new close friend what would go with steak for "a dinner party I'm having this week." She didn't have to know all the details. She suggested the 2011 Darkhorse Cabernet Sauvignon. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. Bursting with mocha flavor but less rich than the lovely Cocobon, this fruit-forward, black cherry and smoke-laden vixen had the tannins and the attitude to stand up to my peppery pan-fried steak. Juicy is a great word for this wine, because it's got those ripe berry flavors, but it's also juicy like a beautiful ass. Sweet and graceful and thick with good things to hold onto, this is a wine to make mistakes with. Like eating a 1-lb steak alone on a Saturday night. Or, like, sex stuff. Or like, other youthful type escapades that don't involve wearing sweatpants because I'm not wearing sweatpants at all.

Yes I had a date tonight.

The date just ended early:

PS that absolutely is an MNDR bumper sticker on my wine glass. I met her once and she is as awesome as her music. Check her out:

Cheers, youth!

Wine + popcorn + thoughts on being special

"Reserva." It sounds classy, but is it? In the case of Herederos Del Marques De Riscal 2006 Rioja Reserva, it is indeed. Reserva traditionally means that the best grapes were held back for wine aged in oak barrels. It comes from a time when oak was expensive, and was only worth it for the best wine. Now, Reserva still means that in Spain, Italy and Washington state, but everywhere else is just trying to make themselves feel classy.

And I get that. After all, I was more willing to splurge on a bottle of Reserva (not to mention it has gold casing and gold is my favorite color). Other tricks are often employed to class it up. A fancy name, a confusing label, the word "chateau" (which could be an outhouse as long as wine is made there). The more intimidating a wine, the more we'll spend on it. And the less likely we'll be to come out and say so when we don't like it. This is the same reason why my being a cheap, friendly date gets me pretty much nowhere.

But this wine really does kick ass. This is earthy, almost filthy, sexy and tart and complex. It's cherry and cocoa mud wrestling raspberry and cola and leaves. And I served it up with a perfect, utterly classy pairing...

I get that that wasn't a big reveal because of the title. I just want you to know that I get that. Yeah, it's popcorn! Popcorn is great with wine. Whether it's the dirty, sexy aroma of this Rioja Reserva, a jammy Cote du Rhone or a crisp Sauvignon Blanc, popcorn is the cheese of the carb world: it makes wines taste awesome by bringing out their best.

Salt enhances flavors. And while that can include alcohol and the texture of the tannins, the oil and the crunch of the popcorn will negate that. In fact, the same chemical used to make butter flavor is the byproduct of malolactic fermentation, a chemical process often used in winemaking. So to amp up the flavor of your fancy wine, treat yourself special. Have it with popcorn.

Wine + vocals

It's time for wine and The Voice, y'all! You can change who you are, y'all. I kind of want to see Spring Breakers again, y'all. But first, cheers, Carson!

If you've never seen The Voice, you should remedy that. I used to doubt singing competition shows until that fateful Superbowl when The Voice followed the game and everything changed.

This show has So. Many. Dreams. Every one of these people is living their dream before your very eyes. The coaches are positive and enthusiastic and funny. And the best thing about it is that the auditions are blind. The coaches don't get to see who the singers are before committing to coaching them. This leads to ugly people getting opportunities in entertainment and a lot of comments like, "how are you not a girl?" and polite versions of "wait, you're white?" Dreams come true left and right and everybody gets free Starbucks.

This amazing display of dreams got me thinking about blind tastings. Blind tastings with guessing are a badge of honor for proper sommeliers, but can be useful for the casual wine drinker as well. And no wine benefits more from a blind tasting than Chardonnay.

Chardonnay has a bad reputation, and that's not entirely fair. Sure, a lot of grandmas drink it and ok, oak gets used a lot, but like the red-headed stepchild of reds, Merlot, there are some real gems being overlooked because of prejudice.

Most people who don't like Chardonnay, myself included, just don't like the heavy oak used. But the only reason oak is used so often in Chardonnay is that its relative neutrality led it to be known as the winemaker's grape. Furthermore, when people started oaking Chardonnay, it was hugely popular. It's only recently that the oak flavors, especially combined with two other common winemaking practices, lees ageing (which gives a toasty, biscuity flavor) and malolactic fermentation (which lends a creamy mouthfeel and a buttery aroma), have become unpopular. It used to be Chardonnay was prized for allowing these winemaking qualities to stand out. Now most prefer no oak or oak they can't detect because an aromatic grape was used.

But unoaked or lightly oaked Chardonnays are out there and they can be great. Shelby Ledgerwood gave us one for our final exam and we all thought it was Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc. Similarly, oak can be used and detectable in other whites, such as the 2011 Le Ferme Julien Blanc, which my charming friend Kate served last night, without taking over the flavor of the wine entirely.

A blend of 5 grapes, 10% of this wine is oaked with lees ageing and 90% is unoaked. It gives just a hint of the flavor but  doesn't overwhelm (unlike Carson Daly's desire to be part of every family that walks into the auditions. Watch him. It's amazing. Dude forces so many hugs). It offers citrus and a drop of honey on the nose with a little nuttiness. Pair it with chicken or salad, but don't be afraid to nibble a lemon cupcake alongside it like we did.

So push your button for a Chardonny. Experiment with a lightly oaked white. Throw a blind tasting blind auditions party (ok this is happening). You could end up achieving your wildest dream. Or just getting tipsy while Adam Levine flirts with a pregnant Shakira. Which literally happens. Seriously, how are you not watching this show?

Kate is a person with whom I would like to Freaky Friday.

2 BUCK CHUCK

I'm pretty sure my last relationship ended because I have feelings and things from Target. To be fair, I have some pretty annoying feelings and I don't just shop at Target, I'm one of those idiots who brags about shopping at Target. But the guy was a snob with his shit together, and I'm... well, I'm a different kind of snob than that. It was this I reflected upon as I opened a bottle of Two Buck Chuck and, thanks to "Sideways," the most notoriously bad grape varietal of it. Ladies and gentlemen, the Charles Shaw 2011 Merlot.

Charles Shaw got its reputation for being good the year it bought some extra wine from great winemakers. Since then, it's been sold to the Franzia brothers (not to be confused with Franzia, which they have since sold off themselves). The quality has since declined but its reputation has remained surprisingly good.

I used to drink this shit all the time, back when I thought Syrah made the best sangria, a theory I'm pretty sure I came up with based on the fact that "Syrah" is the grape varietal that most sounds like "sangria." And yes, I'm aware that isn't even that close. Since taking wine classes, I hadn't been drinking Charles Shaw, and not just because of the guy I was dating at the time: Shelby Ledgerwood hates the stuff. In the cutest way, but still, she's not a fan.

But I thought it would be fun to use my new skills to try out an old favorite. I always buy Two Buck Chuck when I make charoset for Passover. Any wine is good when you mix it with honey and cinnamon and stir in a bunch of green apples and pistachios (damnit, I just gave away the whole recipe!), so why not spend as little as possible? After lamenting that the price is now 2.49 a bottle, I selected the Merlot, along with a nice Kosher wine for actual Passover drinking, and went on my merry way. That's pretty much everything that has happened to me since Thursday.

I often find cheap Merlot smells like candy corn. I've heard other people say waxy, which is halfway there. I once smelled the same aroma in class with a good Merlot and called it caramel, which Shelby Ledgerwood said was totally correct. But it's candy corn.

This little gem is no different. It tastes like if the candy corn people decided to do a wine flavor. It's high in acid and low in other aromatics, though there is a wet stone aroma you're supposed to only find in Sauvignon Blancs but I smell all the time in reds. I think Shelby calls it peet moss.

So there you have it: candy corn and peet moss. I'll be honest: this doesn't taste as good as it did before I'd tried a bunch of good wines. But I'll still totally drink it. Because even if I don't like this wine so much, I like what it represents about me. I like all the parties I've been to and late night talks I've had and scripts I've written will sipping on this so-called swill because I just didn't care. I like the memories and I like to think it's not the end of making them.

Also, I'm really poor, and there's perfectly good alcohol in here.

Pair with: ranch dressing, five beers, not being a dick.

Yeah, this glass is for white wine. What of it?